Hi. Came here through slammerkinbabe. Can I link this on my journal? This is something that needs to get sent around the world.

(and we can take bets on how long before it shows up on Snopes.com attributed to George Carlin or Oprah Winfrey)

hey, found you via metaquotes, I'm reposting this in my lj. There are too many knots in my purple ribbon* and this is really the way stopping rape needs to go.

I know you mentioned that it wasn't your original idea but this is well done and the first I've seen of it. Thank you for writing it.

* purple ribbons are for sexual assault and domestic violence and you're supposed to tie a knot in it for every person you know who has been a victim/survivor of SA/DV.

Was it Girlmom?

This was already mentioned on slammerkinbabe's journal, but here is a similar post on the subject.

Here via metaquotes. I do indeed have something to add:

If a man is drunk, don't rape him.
If a man is walking alone at night, don't rape him.
If a man is drugged and unconscious, don't rape him.
If a man is wearing revealing clothes.
If a man is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape him.
If a man looks like your ex-boyfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape him.
If a man is asleep in his bed, don't rape him.
If a man is doing his laundry, don't rape him.
If a man is in a coma, don't rape him.
If a man changes his mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape him.
If a man is not yet a man, but a child, don't rape him.
If your boyfriend or husband is not in the mood, don't rape him.
If your step-son is watching tv, don't rape him.
If you break into a house and find a man there, don't rape him.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, assert that it's not, and that that person is not your friend.
If your "friend" tells you he or she raped someone, report that friend to the police.
If someone at a party tells you there's an unconscious man upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape him, call the police and tell the partygoer he or she is a rapist.
Tell your children, god-children, nieces and nephews, grandchildren, children of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

Don't tell your friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that someone could have avoided it if he or she had only done/not done x.
Don't imply that it's in any way the victim's fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you "I got some" with somebody drunk.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

Don't perpetuate the myth that men and boys cannot be raped.
Don't perpetuate the myth that all rape is heterosexual.
Don't perpetuate the myth that rape only happens at the hands of strangers.
Don't perpetuate the myth that rape only happens at the hands of men.
Don't perpetuate the myth that if you've consented in the past you cannot withdraw consent in the future.
Don't perpetuate the myth that if you said "maybe" before you said "no" it isn't rape.
Don't perpetuate the myth that if you felt any pleasure at all it isn't rape.
Do encourage rape victims to speak up and, if possible, identify the rapist to the police.
Do tell your friends and family who have been raped that it was not their fault, and keep telling them until they believe it.
Do tell your friends and family who have been raped that it is not something to be ashamed of, and keep telling them until they believe it.

Here through metaquotes. AMEN!

If somebody has broken into your car, or stolen your wallet, don't "jokingly" suggest "I hope you get a big, ugly cellmate named Bubba/Bertha."

If your daughter/niece/nephew/friend tells you that the person you're having them spend time with--be it relative, neighbor, minister, anyone--has attacked them, don't brush it off or make them go back.

[I found this via metaquotes, and have linked to it in my journal.)

Here through metaquotes. I have reposted this on my journal with credit to you, of course. Thank you for writing this.

Thank you :)

One reason one hears "x was raped" rather than "y raped x" is that often who y is isn't known, at least originally. Perhaps we could substitute "some asshole" in the absence of the name, rather than switching to the passive voice construction.

As a matter of treatment of the victim, I agree on avoiding any implication that it's their fault. As a matter of cultural education, though, I think girls (and women; but they should have already learned it as girls) as well as boys should be taught they should fight off an attacker ("you can, too, help yourself"), and should be encouraged to use technological assistance (anything from a pointed stick to chemicals, tasers, and firearms, as seems to suit the victim and the situation). Our culture should encourage and reward self-defense.

It appears to be true that very nearly all rapists (of both men and women) are men. I'm not so clear that this information is *useful* for very much. I'm not very big on collective guilt. I don't actually have any more influence on other *men* than I have on (other) *women*.

The points about not accepting (even by silence) the idea that it's okay to "get some" with the drunk girl, and some related things, are important I think. I think that's one of the big problem areas in many subcultures.

Don't tell your friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that someone could have avoided it if he or she had only done/not done x.

Brava.

My personal experience (and current LJ-rant) is that one can do everything right and still become a statistic. And that's not their fault, either.

Actually, I reposted some of slammerkinbabe's post, and included your wonderful list with it. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

"Stopping" rape is like "stopping" robbery. The one who was robbed had little to do with the robbery, and it's never the robbed person's fault.

If she says no -- or, if she can't say no -- it's rape. That's all.

"Alexandria, Va.: I enjoyed your article a lot, Pat. I'm a man, and not a young one, and see lots of these outfits at the local shopping center. I always feel a bit guilty looking at these young women as sex objects, though it is hard to resist I must admit. Of course if someone dresses provocatively it is not MY fault, I'm not rude or overt while looking, but it can be a dilemma for even a male person."

"Pat Dalton: My husband says this all the time. You can't not look at what you see in front of you. And men are highly visual, moreso than women when it comes to sex. And again, the responsibility falls more on the person dressing like this than the person who sees her!"

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2005/11/17/DI2005111701057.html

I'm here from my friend's list, specifically bopeepsheep who linked to the metaquotes post. Thank you for posting this.

Would it be ok if I put the text of this in a post on my LJ, with credit to you, of course?

http://www.livejournal.com/users/kphoebe/528017.html?mode=reply

you should see this. it is a post following your post...

thanks by the way.

Thank you.

I wrote this post on a recent report which showed one in three New Zealand women is physically or sexually assaulted by their partner.

In the comments, tigerpig copied your list.

I posted it entire to my journal (with a latter addendum).

One reader commented that he, as a man, was being attacked by the post. I responded to *that*, here.

Thank you.

Thanks for posting this. I like the way in which this draws attention to the fact that rape is not committed exclusively by some separate class of people who are obviously criminals -- by implying that somebody who you forward this email to, somebody in your social network might need to be told "don't rape", it reminds us that just as anybody can be raped, anybody can be a rapist.

Hi there.

As a sort of peripheral participant in what I can only call an absolute explosion in karenhealey's journal over her reposting of this, I wanted to ask (if you feel comfortable discussing so) about your feelings on the edit of the line about avoiding rape in this post.

I admit that when I saw it reposted, my initial reaction was to feel slightly attacked, though I don't think that's necessarily the negative that many are implying (indeed, I think the rhetorical aim of the list is to hit men in that uncomfortable zone, though it is, as is all such communication, a risky proposition when it comes to persuasion). However, in terms of the goals and the statements of the post, it was that only that line that troubled me. Seeing that you changed it, I was hoping you might elaborate on why you decided to do so, and what kind of influences went into the revision?

I've been trying my hardest to focus on the rhetorical and logical issues of the post over karenhealey way, mainly because I don't think there's any ideological issues with problematizing rape, which to me was the goal of your post (please correct me if I'm wrong there). That's why I was interested in seeing this passage, which really was sort of the catalyst for the argument in my friend's journal, changed, and I really wanted to hear about your thought processes and context on that issue.

Thanks for your time.

Thank you for this!

I loved it so much, I not only posted it, I riffed on it.

Lovely bit of writing. Just lovely.

If a woman is getting in her car after a swim, don't rape her. Just don't.

Because 7 months after you do rape her, you may have forgotten the whole exerience, but she hasn't.

A
nansbiglittlegirl.blogspot.com

This is awesome. May I share this with my RAD (Rape, Aggression, Defense) class?